Are you nervous about having challenging workplace conversations in English? You’re not alone. Many non-native English-speaking managers struggle with these situations, but with the right strategies and phrases, you can handle them confidently. In this guide, you’ll learn how to prepare, what to say, and how to avoid common mistakes when leading difficult conversations in English.
Why Difficult Conversations Are Harder in Your Second Language
When you’re speaking in your second language, difficult conversations can feel overwhelming. You’re not just thinking about what to say but also how to say it correctly. This creates “cognitive overload,” where your brain is juggling content, language, and emotions all at once.
In fact, studies show that up to 70% of international business professionals feel anxious about having difficult conversations in English. The good news? With preparation and practice, you can overcome this challenge.
How to Prepare for Difficult Conversations in English
Preparation is the key to success. Here’s a simple framework to help you get ready:
- Script your opening statement: The first 30 seconds set the tone for the conversation.
- List your key points: Focus on 3-5 main points to keep the conversation clear and structured.
- Anticipate responses: Think about how the other person might react and prepare your replies.
- Learn specific vocabulary: Research any technical terms or phrases you might need.
For example:
One of my clients, a Brazilian marketing manager, said:
“I used to wing these conversations and always felt unclear. Now I prepare like it’s a presentation, and the difference is incredible.”
Essential English Phrases for Managers
Here are practical phrases you can use in different types of difficult conversations:
Performance Review Conversations
To address areas for improvement:
Example Phrases:
- “I’d like to discuss some areas where I think there’s room for improvement.”
- “I’ve noticed a pattern with meeting deadlines that I’d like to address.”
How to use them:
- “I’d like to discuss some areas where I think there’s room for improvement in your client presentations.”
- “I’ve noticed a pattern with meeting deadlines for the monthly reports that I’d like to address.”
To give positive feedback:
Example Phrases:
- “I particularly appreciated how you handled…”
- “One of your key strengths is…”
How to use them:
- “I particularly appreciated how you handled the client presentation last week when they raised unexpected concerns.”
- “One of your key strengths is your attention to detail in financial reports, which has helped us avoid several potential errors.”
Conflict Resolution Conversations
To open the discussion:
Example Phrases:
- “I’d like us to discuss the situation regarding… so we can find a solution together.”
How to use them:
- “I’d like us to discuss the situation regarding the marketing and sales team communication so we can find a solution together that improves our campaign coordination.”
To de-escalate tension:
Example Phrases:
- “Let’s take a step back and look at this objectively.”
- “I appreciate both perspectives. Now let’s focus on finding common ground.”
How to use them:
- “Let’s take a step back and look at this objectively. What are the core issues we need to resolve in the handover process?”
- “I appreciate both perspectives on the project timeline. Now let’s focus on finding common ground that meets our client’s needs while being realistic about our resources.”
Delivering Bad News
To introduce the topic:
Example Phrases:
- “I have some difficult news to share today.”
How to use them:
- “I have some difficult news to share today about the company restructuring that will affect our department.”
To deliver the news clearly:
Example Phrases:
- “After careful consideration, we’ve decided to…”
- “Unfortunately, due to [specific reason], we need to…”
How to use them:
- “After careful consideration, we’ve decided to postpone the product launch until next quarter due to the quality issues identified in testing.”
- “Unfortunately, due to budget constraints, we need to reduce the size of the marketing team by two positions over the next month.”
To show empathy:
Example Phrases:
- “I understand this is difficult news to receive.”
- “I know this creates uncertainty, and that’s never easy.”
How to use them:
- “I understand this is difficult news to receive, especially after all the work you’ve put into this project over the past six months.”
- “I know this creates uncertainty about your role, and that’s never easy to deal with. Let me clarify what this means for you specifically.”
Cultural Considerations for Non-Native Speakers
In English-speaking business cultures, especially in the UK:
- Communication is often more indirect than in other cultures.
- When a British manager says, “You might want to consider a different approach,” they often mean, “Please change your approach.”
- Showing strong emotions during difficult conversations is generally seen as unprofessional.
- Showing empathy and concern is highly valued.
For example:
One of my Japanese clients shared:
“In Japan, I would never question my boss. When my British team members asked questions, I initially thought they were being disrespectful. Now I understand they’re just trying to fully understand the situation.”
A German manager in a UK company noted:
“I had to learn that when my British colleagues say ‘That’s an interesting idea,’ it doesn’t always mean they like it. Sometimes it means they disagree but don’t want to say so directly.”
Common Mistakes to Avoid
When leading difficult conversations in English, non-native speakers often face challenges that can lead to misunderstandings or ineffective communication. Here are five common mistakes and how to avoid them, with clear examples and practical solutions.
1. Being too direct or too indirect
Finding the right balance between being clear and being polite is crucial. Being too direct can come across as rude or harsh, while being too indirect might make your message unclear or ineffective.
What happens when you’re too direct?
- You might say something like:
“Your report is bad, and it needs to be fixed.”
This can sound overly critical and damage the relationship.
What happens when you’re too indirect?
- You might say something like:
“The report could use a little improvement, but it’s mostly fine.”
This might confuse the other person, as they may not realise the seriousness of the issue.
How to strike the right balance:
- Use clear but polite language. For example:
“I’ve noticed some issues with the quarterly report, particularly in the financial projections section. Let’s work together to address these before the deadline.”
This approach is direct enough to highlight the problem but polite enough to maintain a positive tone.
2. Rushing due to language anxiety
When you’re nervous about speaking in your second language, it’s common to rush through your sentences. This can make your message unclear or lead to mistakes.
What happens when you rush?
- You might speak too quickly, jumble your words, or forget key points. For example:
“The report… um… it’s not… I mean, it’s wrong, and we need to fix it now.”
This can make you sound unprepared or flustered.
How to slow down and stay calm:
- Take a moment to gather your thoughts. For example, say:
“Let me take a moment to organise my thoughts so I can explain this clearly.” - Use pauses to give yourself time to think. It’s okay to say:
“I just want to make sure I explain this properly.”
This not only helps you stay calm but also makes you sound more confident and professional.
3. Missing cultural cues
Cultural differences in communication styles can lead to misunderstandings. For example, in English-speaking cultures (especially in the UK), people often use indirect language to express disagreement or make suggestions.
What happens when you miss these cues?
- You might misinterpret polite disagreement as agreement. For example:
If a British colleague says, “That’s an interesting idea,” they might actually mean, “I don’t agree, but I don’t want to say it directly.”
How to recognise and respond to cultural cues:
- Pay attention to tone of voice and body language.
- If you’re unsure, ask clarifying questions. For example:
“When you say it’s an interesting idea, do you think it’s something we should move forward with, or are there concerns we need to address?”
This shows you’re open to feedback and ensures you understand their perspective.
4. Overusing complex vocabulary
Using overly formal or technical language can make your message harder to understand, especially for colleagues who are also non-native speakers or from different fields.
What happens when you use complex language?
- You might say something like:
“We need to expedite the implementation of the strategic initiative.”
This sounds overly formal and might confuse your audience.
How to simplify your language:
- Use plain English whenever possible. For example, say:
“We need to speed up the start of the new project.” - Replace complex words with simpler alternatives:
- “Utilise” → “Use”
- “Facilitate” → “Help”
- “Commence” → “Start”
- If you need to use technical terms, briefly explain them. For example:
“The KPI (Key Performance Indicator) for this project is customer satisfaction.”
5. Not checking understanding
When discussing complex topics or giving instructions, it’s important to confirm that the other person has understood your message.
What happens when you don’t check understanding?
- The other person might leave the conversation confused or unsure of what to do next. For example:
If you say, “Make sure the report is ready by Friday,” they might not know which specific changes you expect.
How to confirm understanding:
- Ask the other person to summarise what you’ve discussed. For example:
“Could you summarise what we’ve agreed on regarding the project timeline so we’re both on the same page?” - Use follow-up questions to clarify any doubts. For example:
“Does that make sense?” or “Is there anything you’d like me to explain further?” - Be specific about next steps. For example:
“So, by Friday, I’d like the financial projections updated and the formatting finalised. Does that work for you?”
Summary of Common Mistakes
- Being too direct or too indirect: Balance clarity with politeness by softening harsh language or being more specific when needed.
- Rushing due to language anxiety: Slow down, use pauses, and give yourself time to think.
- Missing cultural cues: Learn to recognise indirect language and ask clarifying questions when unsure.
- Overusing complex vocabulary: Use plain English and explain technical terms when necessary.
- Not checking understanding: Confirm comprehension by asking the other person to summarise or clarify.
Your Quick Reference Toolkit
- Prepare thoroughly: Script your opening and key points.
- Use appropriate phrases: Keep a “phrase bank” for different conversation types.
- Be culturally aware: Adjust your tone and directness to your audience.
- Check understanding: Confirm the message was received as intended.
- Practice regularly: The more you practise, the more confident you’ll become.
Frequently Asked Questions
What if I can’t find the right word during a difficult conversation?
Use this phrase:
“I’m trying to find the right word to express my concerns about the project timeline and how it might affect our team’s workload.”
How do I handle it if the other person speaks too quickly?
Use this phrase:
“Could you speak a bit more slowly? I want to make sure I understand all the details correctly about the new procedure.”
How can I sound empathetic but still direct?
Use this phrase:
“I understand this is disappointing news about the budget cuts, and at the same time, we need to discuss how to move forward with our revised marketing strategy.”
Ready to Master Difficult Conversations in English?
Book a free 15-minute consultation to discuss how personalised coaching can boost your confidence and communication skills. Our targeted training has helped managers from over 30 countries improve their business English and leadership communication.
Find out more at: https://toomeybusinessenglish.com/business-english-training/
If you like this guide, why not watch this video below titled Leaders vs. Managers: Mastering Crucial Business English Vocabulary for Career Growth.
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